How to Speak Children Language?

One day, I was trying to talk to them but seems like they were not much interested to talk to me. And later I found out, my wife were able to communicate with them effectively. Not only that, they even like to share a lot of story with my wife.

Then, I thought I must be neglected them for a long time. After that, I tried my best to be with them, play with them and bringing them to the park. However, the relationship seems like improving but, they were still  not telling me more about their living stories. Then, I asked my wife and she told me the secret of talking with the kids…….which I have not been doing most of the time…… “ Watching cartoon together with them!”.

Finally I realized I need to speak their language by watching their cartoons. No wonder, before my wife actually talk to them, she eventually will mentioned a few of their favorite cartoon’s character like Ben10, SpongeBob SquarePants, and etc…..Then, their responds will be like………..I think you know what I am saying.

Later on, I tried to practise, “Zhe Tse, what is SpongeBob doing now?” Then, he told me a lot of his action and blab la bla.. Then, I continued, “ Why don’t you pick up this and put it back from where you get?” He immediately did what I said and continued his story……

When the West Meet the East

Few years back, when my son was almost 3 years old, I brought him to play with one of my friend's children which happen to be from the West ( ah moh ). We had picnic together near a beach. Out of sudden, one of her daughter ( only 2 years old ) climb very high in one of the equipment in the playground. And I almost shouted to warn her to be careful ( as you know, Asian's parents used to be very scare when their children do something that we consider dangerous ). Just before I almost shouted, my friend pat my back and talked to me softly, " Hey, don't create and influence her to be scared, just act naturally".

Well, at this point, I was so curious and asked myself, "Don't she felt nervous and afraid of her falling down from high?" Then, she walked slowly approaching her daughter and asked, " Hey Emelia, how are you up there? It must be great. Why don't you come down and have your sandwich first and continue later?" I stunned there as for the first time, I could see a different way of approaching a child especially at danger time, we should not instill fear factor to them. My son even said, " Wow, that's very high !" ( I managed to snap a photo behind my son )

From that incident that, I realized that we can always refer some of the Western way or approach of parenting and it benefits a lot to our children. For instance, bed time story, a hug and kiss before sleep ( my parents never did this to me before , pai seh ), and teaching them how to express feeling ( saying "I LOVE YOU") in a proper way are some of the methods we can cultivate. In fact, I learnt a lot of good parenting skills from this friend. Thank you JULIA......

( From Left ) Michael, Emelia and Zhe Tse

Quality time or Quantity time?

When i was studying in university time, someone told me, we need to spend more quality time with our children. During that time, the very young boy like me of course will not understand what he said. Then, i came to realize that quality time means that we need to pay 100% attention while attending to our children. Give them 100% focus so that our child will feel our love. During that time, i might just agreed as i don't have any child.

But later on till I have my own children, I began to think of what he said. Do I need to spend more quality time with my children or quantity time? But do I have quantity of time if i need to work from morning till evening?

One day, i think should be Sunday. I planned to play and be with my children for whole day. From morning till night, we enjoyed watching cartoon together, playing monopoly, singing karaoke, go to the park, eat together and read story before sleep. I did spend my quality time and quantity time as well with them. You know what happened?

Next day in the morning, both of them cry out loud looking for their daddy. As kids below 3 years old, they will always remembered the person played with them previously before they sleep. I have seen this happened to their grandma, maid, mother and even myself. What they need are both quality time and quantity time. Yes, they need both. What we need is to educate them on how to differentiate between playing time, reading time, sleeping time, eating time and etc....We need to plan for them.

However, as time passed and their age are growing, we need to tell them honestly that sometimes daddy cannot be with them all the time and need to go to work. Explain to them nicely with good reason. Surely they will understand. We should not worry and think that they are still young to listen to our explanation. Sometimes, they are smarter than us.

Happy parenting !!!

Big Giant Hug and Small Princess Hug

One night, i was tired travelling from work. I came home and saw my kids were playing with each others. From day to day, their relationship become better and better. Because, last time, due to some distance issue and work place challenges, my daughter was separated with my son ( long story ). I am glad that their relationship can improve so much compared to last time, they always snatching each others toys and cry so much. Sometimes, time really play an important role. We cannot rush for results immediately. We need time to build up something , especially relationship. And of course, parents play an important role.

Hugging is one important action we, as parents should perform. It is one of the way to show love and they really can feel it. Not only that, father also should hug with his wife from time to time, in front of the kids. This is to show to the kids that we, adult also show love to each other. And, it definitely will influence them to love their siblings more.

One thing caught my attention so much. Just before they sleep, suddenly my son said, "Mummy, i want Giant Hug !" With a fast movement, he showed something like a bear and hug his mother. And then, continued with my daughter," Mummy, i also want, I want a Princess Hug !", quickly she showed one hand up and another down, politely and portray a small gesture hugging her mother.

Oh my god, that's something created by my lovely wife with them when i was absent for work. What a surprise !! Well done, mummy !!!

Grandma Effect I

When my son was born in 2004, i have one challenge. Who is going to look after him? My wife needs to work and i am still staying in Sarawak. We were worried to let our first baby taken care by nanny. At last, i decided to import my mother. Thank goodness, she really helped us a lot. At least, she is someone we can rest assure. Really appreciate.

However, after some time, i found a few things about my mother, my son's grandma.

1. Pampering 
Because my mother has been long time didn't approach a baby, furthermore, her grandson, for sure she will  give 100% caring to the baby. What's wrong with that? Well, what happened if over pampered? I think most of you will know what I am going to say. Whenever baby is crying, she will be the first one to respond. The louder he cried, the faster she will respond. Some people said, cry on baby mouth, pain in grandma's heart.

2. Slow to grow
What, slow to grow up? This is not what i mean. There is one case i would like to share. I still can remember when my son was in a process to learn how to walk, his grandma will be always protecting him. Too afraid for him to fall down. For safety reason, she was doing the right thing. But for learning aspect, i would say she is slowing down the process. At the end, no matter where my son planning to move, there will be a natural automatic protective fence ( using hand to block all the way ). At last, my son still be able to walk, but it took almost 14 months.

3. Conflict of decision
In a family, father always play an important part. However, what will happen when there is a mother of a father appear? There will be an issue between decision and respect. Yes, we must always respect our parents. Sometimes i do listen to what she said or advice. However, in some cases, we really must make a wise decision where we will not hurt both parties, especially between mother and wife. Well, i can't say much, for those who need advice, please contact me secretly...hehe.

So, for those who asking help from your own parents in taking care our children and staying together with us, do consider all the effects i mentioned. And there are more which i will share again next time. Anyway, i am glad that my mother have been helping me all this while. Really appreciate. I love you mother ! ! !

Asking the right question

I have been teaching secondary students for almost 9 years now. I would say teaching young children need a different approach and need to be more creative. I learnt a lot from my wife. When my kids at 4 to 5 years old, they always try to object or go against parent's decision or suggestion. When we ask them to sit, they will run, when i ask them to be silence, they will laugh loudly. Yes, they will try to be creative.


So, one day i heard my wife asking my son. " So, later, do you want me to add some onion leaves on the soup or not? " ( normally we will add a few pieces of onion leaves to make the soup more delicious ). Then, i came to realized that, we should always ask the right question to our kids to prevent them to go against our suggestion.

Why i said so? Just imagine these. Let say my wife ask, " Zhe Tse, do you want to drink soup or not?" Then, my son will replied, " No , mummy " ( going against the suggestion and he only has 2 choices, yes or no ). Of course, the issue about the onion leaves will stop immediately. Then, my wife will need to advice and encourage him to drink soup and explain the reason and bla bla bla. It might be successful or my son might be holding his decision. You see? That's why, for those parents, before we want our children to do something, we should think of the right question for them to follow, at least we have 90% of successful rate. It doesn't mean we want to stop their creativity but i believe there are plenty other ways to enhance creativity.

   

Every Parents Are Natural Teachers, agree?

Long time ago, i asked one of my friend, " Do you like to become a teacher?" , and she replied, " No, i don't like to teach, no patient !".  Yes, she was right. Today's teachers are not like yesterday's. It required not only commitment and patient, but creative and innovative. With the advancement of technology from time to time, it created a lot of influences. One of it is the social networking which had a lot of impact to the youngster nowadays, including myself.

And few weeks ago, i asked my same friend again. "Now you have your kids, do you teach them everyday?" And she said, " Of course lah. If i don't teach, who else? Bo Pian !!!! ( no choice )." Yes, she is right again. Being a teacher, we need a lot of patient but teaching our own children, we need even more patient, commitment and sacrifice. Even if we need to repeat the same advice everyday, we should do so because they are our children. We need to guide them to follow the right track. That's the SPIRIT of being a parent. Being parents, we need more creative idea to educate our children. Honestly, i learnt a lot from my wife. She is the one who always come out with creative idea to satisfy and educate our children. Really thankful to my wife.

Baby Diapers Vs "Lampin", Which one is better?

Long time ago, especially during my papa mama time, using disposal diapers was not a trend. Perhaps too expensive. Most parents, including mine, normally will use a type of cloth ( we called "lampin" in Malaysia ) for babies. So, in our neighborhood,  if we see a lot of "lampin" were hanging outside under the hot sun, meaning to say that, the family just have a new born baby. Why? because we need to wash it almost everyday.

There are a lot of benefits using "lampin" rather than disposal diapers such as, save some money, easily dry up, comfortable for baby and etc...But only one thing my wife and I cannot stand was, we need to change a lot  "lampin" which might disturb their sleep, including the parents.Well, drinking milk in the mid-night is already a tough, and yet, we still need to change the "lampin". As you know, baby cried in the middle of the night only for 2 reasons. One is for milk and another is to tell us " Papa mama, is wet wet now, please change for me now, if not , i cannot sleep...hehehe !!!"

So, after some discussion and research, we found a solution, although was not the best but it really loosen our job a bit. USE disposal diapers !! In supermarket nowadays, there are too many brands of diapers for us to choose. Some are good in quality ( expensive ) and some are not so good. In order to cut some washing, we decided to buy 2 types of diapers. One is the expensive ( good quality, can last longer ) to be used at night, and another one is the average one ( can be used during afternoon sleep ).

Yes, with this solution, the baby can sleep longer now and the parents can get more rest. And during night time, we only need to make milk when they are hungry, except bowels ( pang sai ). From that moment, we have been practising these method and it really work. How about you all? Have you tried these method? Or do you have any comment or suggestions?

What is the first thing you must do when your baby is born ?

Let me share a story with you, true story.  When my first child was born, the first sickness he got is pro-long jaundice. What? Pro-Long? Yes, due to umbilical cord infection. Normally jaundice will only occur for 5 to 10 days depends on the individual. Later, after 4 months, my son got pneumonia. Due to my staying place was in rural area, i have no choice but to send him to a specialist which is very far from my house ( long story, will share next time ) . And thank god, everything was fine, but one thing which worried my wife and I was "finance". Seeing a specialist nowadays will cause a lot, especially in Malaysia.  

After we realized about it, quickly we bought insurance with medical card. Well, i am not trying to promote any insurance company, but i would advice all young parents to consider to find a package that suit our needs. During my time, buying insurance was not a trend and not as popular as in the western country. And even worst compared to my father's time. So, after few months we bought the medical card, my son was in emergency again. This time, is like "PHEWWWWW" , we paid everything using our medical card. It really save us a lot.

Most of the time, we can't really predict what will happen to our child. But normally baby or infant are easily to get infected with all kind of virus or bacteria. That's why, it will be good if we can have a medical card for them. At least we can provide the best medical care, and most importantly , affordable. Perhaps some of you might say, " Don't worry, we can send to government hospital." "WHAT, government hospital?" Well, i think everyone knows, i don't need to comment much about it, right? So, hopefully we can always make a right choice for our beloved children. For those who are expecting, is the time to find the right package ! Good day .....

   

Showing Your Love

When i was a child, i used to be very demanding. I always wanted my father to buy me toys. I still can remember, my favourite toys was LEGO. I love playing with LEGO, even till today because i can build anything i want. It is a tool to build children's creativity. Whenever we went for shopping in supermarket, i will look for this toy. I will stand there and look at the toy till my parent come to pull me home.

For those who are from Teluk Intan, do you remember Sungei Perak? or Rakyat superstore? Oh yes, my favourite place. One of the strategy i used to ask my father to buy LEGO ( for your info, it was not a cheap at that time ), was to stand there and cry out loud and i will not move my feet even when my parents were pulling me. And my favourite LEGO was castle, with palace, horses, soldiers and so on. Guess what, my success rate was 95% !!! At that time, i know my parents love me, perhaps i am the youngest, that's why i dare to try.

As for now, i am the parents. I always ask myself, " Should I buy a lot of toys for my kids to show my love?" Can we consider loving our children by giving all the things they want? Do they really need toys to make them happy? After being parents myself for almost 6 years now, i would say that the real love does not lie on the toys. It depends on the quality time and quantity time we spend with them. The feeling of love doesn't come from toys, but come from our heart. No matter how many toys we are going to buy for them, it will not increase or improve the feeling of love. Thus, I hope that all the young parents will think carefully before investing so much money on toys.

Question: How to avoid buying too many toys for the kids? I will share with you all later. Happy parenting !!!

Why my baby always cry ?

Yes, baby always cry. In 2004, when my son was just came into this world, the very first thing i cannot TAHAN (stand ) was baby "CRYING". And of course, i really don't know what to do most of the time. Though we were very happy to have our first child, and for the first time, my wife and I became mother and father. But, very soon, we faced the biggest challenge in our life ( during that time ), the CRYING issue.

After some hand-on experiences, we finally found that, the baby do not simply cry. They cried for reasons. They are 6  reasons why my baby cry ( maybe more for other baby ):

1. Hungry
2. Urinate / Pass motion
3. Sleepy
4. Sick ( fever/ flu/ pain/ etc )
5. Boring
6. Undetected

How do i know? Good question. I really don't know but through trial and error. Nobody tell us in fact. One thing i must praise my wife, she really can differentiate the types of cry my baby performed for different reasons. Maybe this is the special skill that only woman have. Honestly, till the last day before my kid can talk, when they were crying, the only thing i will do is check the diapers......" pai seh" ( shame shame ).
However, my son is already 6 and my daughter is 5....they still like to cry. WHY? I will share with you next time.

           

My Queen is needed

Well, after i declared myself as a KING, a family can't do away without a queen. Although most of the decision is made by the father but in certain aspect, where things that a Father always ignore and can't perform, it must be handled with care. The most important things that father will always missed out is HEALTH. Not only children health but own health. I must admit that lady is more detail and more dedicated in looking after the health of everyone in the family. In fact, she did a good job.

A Queen will always perform a softer approach to the kids, perhaps to balance up. Most of the time, King will need to be firm and be strict with the kids. Thus, a Queen is strongly needed to console and give "mother care" to the children ( might be misused as pampering, be careful ) . As for me, i would like to thank my beloved wife ( ahmin ) who have been taking care of the health of everybody in my family,you really did well. I Love YOU.

If i said children are pretty well with role play, my wife and I have been practicing from the beginning. My role is a King and my wife's role is a Queen. And it have been well organised instead. Perhaps our children  inherited "role play" from us..... ^ ^

After the King and Queen were appointed, what next? In my next post, i will share about how my son became Prince and my daughter became a Princess. Thanks for reading.

Am I the King of my Family ?

Some of you might think that "KING" is a strong word that we shouldn't use to explain what a parent should behave. Why King? And how did i implement this "King" policy?

When my son was roughly 2 years old, something happened. My mother was complaining to me about some kitchen work, my son is demanding by crying out loud and my wife is requesting something from me. Everything just came simultaneously. What should i do? Previously, i always try to let go everything, trying not to get involve. I am a person who don't like to confront with people even with my immediate family. Then, I realised i need do something about it.

I told my mother, dont worry, i will talk to you after solving problems with my kid, now let us prepare for lunch. I told my wife, let me think and consider, i will tell you before sleep ( you know, normally discussion between husband and wife during bedtime is quite good, hehe ). And lastly, with a firm face, i told my son, be quiet and I will not let you have this now as now is eating time. Stop whatever you are doing and prepare for lunch. Wow....seems like suddenly everyone is listening to me and followed what i said.

 From that moment, for the first time i felt like " I am the KING".  Later, whatever problems and issued came in, i will do my best to arrange and decide everything. In fact, my words will be the final say, everyone in my family will follow. In one family, either small or big size, is very important to have only one decision maker. King's policy, perhaps some of you might think that I want to control everything, but is an important to have one person to decide everything. It will create peaceful environment and solve most of the problem. Be firm and confidence with your decision.

( my appology to my wife and mother for using you all as an example...hope you don't mind . for those who know my mother, please don' t tell her...hehe)

3 Lessons I'd Never Learnt In School

I believe that most of us has strong memories of schooling's life. In fact many happy or sad things happened during our school life. Yes, i do enjoy my schooling life, especially the moment that i can get together with my friends, Yum Cha ( our most popular activity during our time ).  Joining club or society, go to cinema together, join some camps, being bullied by big size students, giving nick name to our teachers and the list go on.....And the only thing i can't remember is.......3 lessons had learnt from school. What's that?

1. How to get marry ?
2. How to become parent ?
3. How to manage money ?

Do you agree? I think most of you will agree. If we can recall back our schooling time till our working time now, did you ever hear anyone telling you how to get marry, how to become papamama and how to manage our money? If yes, from who? From our teachers? or from our parents? I bet our daddy or mummy will not tell us how to have baby...hehehe. Perhaps this is part of Asia's culture. Even our teacher will not advice us on how to choose a perfect partner. So, who am i going to learn from?

And, is very funny ya? I am doing these 3 things in my life without proper guidance. The BIG question is, how did i do that? From a book? or from  tea corner? Well, i guess most of us just "hantam" and let the nature take it's cause, right? I will share with you all soon, on how did i manage to pass through all these stages without a book or guide. Getting marry is not a game. Becoming a parent is not "play-play". It require a BIG commitment and sacrifice.

Role Play, children's favourite !!

I still can remember when i was learning some techniques for my teaching practise, one of the best approach was "role play". Like teaching english, history and etc, this technique proved to be effective to achieve our teaching objective.

However, i really could'nt belive that my kids are practising without my guidance. For whatever things we do, the kids tend to follow. One afternoon, when i was reading newspaper ( as all the fathers like to do ), some drama is being held. My son became husband and my daughter became his wife. What they do? Could you imagine.....?

Yes, they are performing what my wife and I were doing most of the time. My son use the tone i always use to scold them. My daughter use the way my wife talk to me. WOW....is exactly the same. Cooking, tidying the house, spending time outside having dinner and so on......everything is in their mind.

MORAL: Parents always became their role model. If act something weird or do something bad, they will remember and follow. As a parent, we should always show a good example.

Follow or not follow? Run or don't run ?

Sometimes when i read some article from magazine or newspaper, it will attract my attention on children, early childhood, children behaviour and so on. The main reason is, i might get some hints to apply on what they had research or suggest. However, in many cases, i found that it was neither suitable or effective. What is the main reason? I would say that sometimes it was not even related. Maybe is because the different culture and different scene. So, as a conclusion, whether we want to follow their advice or not follow, is up to us. We can put a try if it doesn't cause any harm or danger.

One of the experiment i always did, even till today, is to ask my children not to run. Someone suggested that we should use positive word. I tried, " Please walk slowly." It might work for a while. However, i have been trying for almost 5 years now. No matter i said "walk slowly" or "don't run", they still kept on running. Funny isn't it ?

When will be our FREEDOM day?

Long time ago, i still can remember many of my friends told me this. "When your child turn to 5 or 6 years old, everything will be okay...." At first, i do believe. Because when my baby was young, still a todler, we need to take a good care for them. They can't talk, and the only thing they can do was cry. So, I kept on waiting for this moment to come. Then, my wife and i will plan our traveling journey to many places we always wanted to visit.

Well, these day has come. Guess what? Yet another challenges arise. They can talk now, not only talk, but they even know how to request for more and talk back. Whoa.....interesting. They can do many things that we are not expected.

Then, we started to realise that, we need 100% attention to raise our children to become a better person. No wonder, my mama always treat me like child after i started working. Seems like I am the "forever child who cannot grow up" in my mama's perspective. So, when can we celebrate FREEDOM ?

Are we too young to teach our young children?

This question had been in my mind for quite sometime. It is just like when i started to teach in school, i always ask myself, "Are we too young to impart our knowledge to the young ones ?" Sometimes i think that old man not always better than young man although there is a proverb saying that Old Ginger More Spicy. Is true that most of the time, experience always help us to manage the situation better. But, how do we get our experience? Through the first time we handled things? Without the first step, how can we further till 1000 steps?

That's why, when i became parent for the first time, the only thing that i kept on telling my wife and myself, we must do better than my papa and mama. That's my initial approach to become a good papa.

Welcome to my blog

Hi, this blog intents to share our sweet and sour memories on bringing our young children.