I AM BACK !!!

Wow, just can't imagine, i stopped writing for almost 2 years. A lot of things happened in my life, especially with my children. For a moment, i thought i should keep it to myself, but after second thought, i decided to share. " Sharing is Caring", a popular slogan i always heard.

Growing up is a process will never stopped. I always think that when my children grow up a little, they will behave more and it will be easier for us as parent. Ridiculous, never happened, i can guarantee you. Nothing will be easier as parent. Different stage of growing up will cause different set of scenario and challenges. Will share to you all soon.

Please welcome me back on board..... :)

Quality time or Quantity time?

When i was studying in university time, someone told me, we need to spend more quality time with our children. During that time, the very young boy like me of course will not understand what he said. Then, i came to realize that quality time means that we need to pay 100% attention while attending to our children. Give them 100% focus so that our child will feel our love. During that time, i might just agreed as i don't have any child.

But later on till I have my own children, I began to think of what he said. Do I need to spend more quality time with my children or quantity time? But do I have quantity of time if i need to work from morning till evening?

One day, i think should be Sunday. I planned to play and be with my children for whole day. From morning till night, we enjoyed watching cartoon together, playing monopoly, singing karaoke, go to the park, eat together and read story before sleep. I did spend my quality time and quantity time as well with them. You know what happened?

Next day in the morning, both of them cry out loud looking for their daddy. As kids below 3 years old, they will always remembered the person played with them previously before they sleep. I have seen this happened to their grandma, maid, mother and even myself. What they need are both quality time and quantity time. Yes, they need both. What we need is to educate them on how to differentiate between playing time, reading time, sleeping time, eating time and etc....We need to plan for them.

However, as time passed and their age are growing, we need to tell them honestly that sometimes daddy cannot be with them all the time and need to go to work. Explain to them nicely with good reason. Surely they will understand. We should not worry and think that they are still young to listen to our explanation. Sometimes, they are smarter than us.

Happy parenting !!!

Big Giant Hug and Small Princess Hug

One night, i was tired travelling from work. I came home and saw my kids were playing with each others. From day to day, their relationship become better and better. Because, last time, due to some distance issue and work place challenges, my daughter was separated with my son ( long story ). I am glad that their relationship can improve so much compared to last time, they always snatching each others toys and cry so much. Sometimes, time really play an important role. We cannot rush for results immediately. We need time to build up something , especially relationship. And of course, parents play an important role.

Hugging is one important action we, as parents should perform. It is one of the way to show love and they really can feel it. Not only that, father also should hug with his wife from time to time, in front of the kids. This is to show to the kids that we, adult also show love to each other. And, it definitely will influence them to love their siblings more.

One thing caught my attention so much. Just before they sleep, suddenly my son said, "Mummy, i want Giant Hug !" With a fast movement, he showed something like a bear and hug his mother. And then, continued with my daughter," Mummy, i also want, I want a Princess Hug !", quickly she showed one hand up and another down, politely and portray a small gesture hugging her mother.

Oh my god, that's something created by my lovely wife with them when i was absent for work. What a surprise !! Well done, mummy !!!

Grandma Effect I

When my son was born in 2004, i have one challenge. Who is going to look after him? My wife needs to work and i am still staying in Sarawak. We were worried to let our first baby taken care by nanny. At last, i decided to import my mother. Thank goodness, she really helped us a lot. At least, she is someone we can rest assure. Really appreciate.

However, after some time, i found a few things about my mother, my son's grandma.

1. Pampering 
Because my mother has been long time didn't approach a baby, furthermore, her grandson, for sure she will  give 100% caring to the baby. What's wrong with that? Well, what happened if over pampered? I think most of you will know what I am going to say. Whenever baby is crying, she will be the first one to respond. The louder he cried, the faster she will respond. Some people said, cry on baby mouth, pain in grandma's heart.

2. Slow to grow
What, slow to grow up? This is not what i mean. There is one case i would like to share. I still can remember when my son was in a process to learn how to walk, his grandma will be always protecting him. Too afraid for him to fall down. For safety reason, she was doing the right thing. But for learning aspect, i would say she is slowing down the process. At the end, no matter where my son planning to move, there will be a natural automatic protective fence ( using hand to block all the way ). At last, my son still be able to walk, but it took almost 14 months.

3. Conflict of decision
In a family, father always play an important part. However, what will happen when there is a mother of a father appear? There will be an issue between decision and respect. Yes, we must always respect our parents. Sometimes i do listen to what she said or advice. However, in some cases, we really must make a wise decision where we will not hurt both parties, especially between mother and wife. Well, i can't say much, for those who need advice, please contact me secretly...hehe.

So, for those who asking help from your own parents in taking care our children and staying together with us, do consider all the effects i mentioned. And there are more which i will share again next time. Anyway, i am glad that my mother have been helping me all this while. Really appreciate. I love you mother ! ! !

Asking the right question

I have been teaching secondary students for almost 9 years now. I would say teaching young children need a different approach and need to be more creative. I learnt a lot from my wife. When my kids at 4 to 5 years old, they always try to object or go against parent's decision or suggestion. When we ask them to sit, they will run, when i ask them to be silence, they will laugh loudly. Yes, they will try to be creative.


So, one day i heard my wife asking my son. " So, later, do you want me to add some onion leaves on the soup or not? " ( normally we will add a few pieces of onion leaves to make the soup more delicious ). Then, i came to realized that, we should always ask the right question to our kids to prevent them to go against our suggestion.

Why i said so? Just imagine these. Let say my wife ask, " Zhe Tse, do you want to drink soup or not?" Then, my son will replied, " No , mummy " ( going against the suggestion and he only has 2 choices, yes or no ). Of course, the issue about the onion leaves will stop immediately. Then, my wife will need to advice and encourage him to drink soup and explain the reason and bla bla bla. It might be successful or my son might be holding his decision. You see? That's why, for those parents, before we want our children to do something, we should think of the right question for them to follow, at least we have 90% of successful rate. It doesn't mean we want to stop their creativity but i believe there are plenty other ways to enhance creativity.

   

Every Parents Are Natural Teachers, agree?

Long time ago, i asked one of my friend, " Do you like to become a teacher?" , and she replied, " No, i don't like to teach, no patient !".  Yes, she was right. Today's teachers are not like yesterday's. It required not only commitment and patient, but creative and innovative. With the advancement of technology from time to time, it created a lot of influences. One of it is the social networking which had a lot of impact to the youngster nowadays, including myself.

And few weeks ago, i asked my same friend again. "Now you have your kids, do you teach them everyday?" And she said, " Of course lah. If i don't teach, who else? Bo Pian !!!! ( no choice )." Yes, she is right again. Being a teacher, we need a lot of patient but teaching our own children, we need even more patient, commitment and sacrifice. Even if we need to repeat the same advice everyday, we should do so because they are our children. We need to guide them to follow the right track. That's the SPIRIT of being a parent. Being parents, we need more creative idea to educate our children. Honestly, i learnt a lot from my wife. She is the one who always come out with creative idea to satisfy and educate our children. Really thankful to my wife.

My Queen is needed

Well, after i declared myself as a KING, a family can't do away without a queen. Although most of the decision is made by the father but in certain aspect, where things that a Father always ignore and can't perform, it must be handled with care. The most important things that father will always missed out is HEALTH. Not only children health but own health. I must admit that lady is more detail and more dedicated in looking after the health of everyone in the family. In fact, she did a good job.

A Queen will always perform a softer approach to the kids, perhaps to balance up. Most of the time, King will need to be firm and be strict with the kids. Thus, a Queen is strongly needed to console and give "mother care" to the children ( might be misused as pampering, be careful ) . As for me, i would like to thank my beloved wife ( ahmin ) who have been taking care of the health of everybody in my family,you really did well. I Love YOU.

If i said children are pretty well with role play, my wife and I have been practicing from the beginning. My role is a King and my wife's role is a Queen. And it have been well organised instead. Perhaps our children  inherited "role play" from us..... ^ ^

After the King and Queen were appointed, what next? In my next post, i will share about how my son became Prince and my daughter became a Princess. Thanks for reading.

Am I the King of my Family ?

Some of you might think that "KING" is a strong word that we shouldn't use to explain what a parent should behave. Why King? And how did i implement this "King" policy?

When my son was roughly 2 years old, something happened. My mother was complaining to me about some kitchen work, my son is demanding by crying out loud and my wife is requesting something from me. Everything just came simultaneously. What should i do? Previously, i always try to let go everything, trying not to get involve. I am a person who don't like to confront with people even with my immediate family. Then, I realised i need do something about it.

I told my mother, dont worry, i will talk to you after solving problems with my kid, now let us prepare for lunch. I told my wife, let me think and consider, i will tell you before sleep ( you know, normally discussion between husband and wife during bedtime is quite good, hehe ). And lastly, with a firm face, i told my son, be quiet and I will not let you have this now as now is eating time. Stop whatever you are doing and prepare for lunch. Wow....seems like suddenly everyone is listening to me and followed what i said.

 From that moment, for the first time i felt like " I am the KING".  Later, whatever problems and issued came in, i will do my best to arrange and decide everything. In fact, my words will be the final say, everyone in my family will follow. In one family, either small or big size, is very important to have only one decision maker. King's policy, perhaps some of you might think that I want to control everything, but is an important to have one person to decide everything. It will create peaceful environment and solve most of the problem. Be firm and confidence with your decision.

( my appology to my wife and mother for using you all as an example...hope you don't mind . for those who know my mother, please don' t tell her...hehe)