Tie Hair to Tighten Relationship

 One day, i took my time to tie my daughter's hair, with special effort. Perhaps we can call it double layer? Although it is very weird for a father to tie hair for daughter. However, while tying hair, i realized that it is a good time for me to talk to my daughter properly. Why? Because this is the best time where my daughter can't move, hahaha. Most of the time, i can't talk very long because she will walk here and walk there and going around doing her own things. Thus, while tying her hair, i started to talk softly and of course, like a papa who always talk in a movie, " ah chien ya ah chien, do you know this and that....you should do this and not do that because of .....bla bla bla."

You know what, after tying her hair, she hugged me. And for the whole day, wherever i brought her, she will hold my hand and stay so close with me. So, "FATHERS" , you know what to do next time? Yes, trust me. Tying hair for daughter will definitely tighten our relationship with her. Why?Don't believe? Try it, and you will know.
( Thanks to my wife for taking vacation for one week so i can expand my potential .... :)  and by the way, it is not an easy job to tie hair, practice make perfect !! )

Happy Father's Day

My baby like to wake up during midnight !!

There was a young couple told me one day, why my baby like to wake up at 3 am and play around actively ? At first, i thought it was normal, as their baby was just born. However, when time pass, they still face the same situation. Then only i remembered, i faced this scenario before with my daughter, coincidentally, theirs also a daughter. Is it because of gender? Or because of genetic? Or they sleep too much during daytime?

The answer is......the baby still do not recognize between day time and night time. How do i know? Actually i don't. Someone told me, perhaps based on their experiences, the baby need to be trained to recognize between dark and bright. Thus, i told the couple, just make sure you do not switch on the light when the baby awake. Use some dim light to make milk only, and quickly switch off the light. And at all time, make sure no light during night time. And during day time, try to play with her as much as possible, and of course, you cant block the sun light from the window. From these, the baby will learn to differentiate between day time and night time.

Guess what? It worked. It really worked. 

I AM BACK !!!

Wow, just can't imagine, i stopped writing for almost 2 years. A lot of things happened in my life, especially with my children. For a moment, i thought i should keep it to myself, but after second thought, i decided to share. " Sharing is Caring", a popular slogan i always heard.

Growing up is a process will never stopped. I always think that when my children grow up a little, they will behave more and it will be easier for us as parent. Ridiculous, never happened, i can guarantee you. Nothing will be easier as parent. Different stage of growing up will cause different set of scenario and challenges. Will share to you all soon.

Please welcome me back on board..... :)

How to Speak Children Language?

One day, I was trying to talk to them but seems like they were not much interested to talk to me. And later I found out, my wife were able to communicate with them effectively. Not only that, they even like to share a lot of story with my wife.

Then, I thought I must be neglected them for a long time. After that, I tried my best to be with them, play with them and bringing them to the park. However, the relationship seems like improving but, they were still  not telling me more about their living stories. Then, I asked my wife and she told me the secret of talking with the kids…….which I have not been doing most of the time…… “ Watching cartoon together with them!”.

Finally I realized I need to speak their language by watching their cartoons. No wonder, before my wife actually talk to them, she eventually will mentioned a few of their favorite cartoon’s character like Ben10, SpongeBob SquarePants, and etc…..Then, their responds will be like………..I think you know what I am saying.

Later on, I tried to practise, “Zhe Tse, what is SpongeBob doing now?” Then, he told me a lot of his action and blab la bla.. Then, I continued, “ Why don’t you pick up this and put it back from where you get?” He immediately did what I said and continued his story……

When the West Meet the East

Few years back, when my son was almost 3 years old, I brought him to play with one of my friend's children which happen to be from the West ( ah moh ). We had picnic together near a beach. Out of sudden, one of her daughter ( only 2 years old ) climb very high in one of the equipment in the playground. And I almost shouted to warn her to be careful ( as you know, Asian's parents used to be very scare when their children do something that we consider dangerous ). Just before I almost shouted, my friend pat my back and talked to me softly, " Hey, don't create and influence her to be scared, just act naturally".

Well, at this point, I was so curious and asked myself, "Don't she felt nervous and afraid of her falling down from high?" Then, she walked slowly approaching her daughter and asked, " Hey Emelia, how are you up there? It must be great. Why don't you come down and have your sandwich first and continue later?" I stunned there as for the first time, I could see a different way of approaching a child especially at danger time, we should not instill fear factor to them. My son even said, " Wow, that's very high !" ( I managed to snap a photo behind my son )

From that incident that, I realized that we can always refer some of the Western way or approach of parenting and it benefits a lot to our children. For instance, bed time story, a hug and kiss before sleep ( my parents never did this to me before , pai seh ), and teaching them how to express feeling ( saying "I LOVE YOU") in a proper way are some of the methods we can cultivate. In fact, I learnt a lot of good parenting skills from this friend. Thank you JULIA......

( From Left ) Michael, Emelia and Zhe Tse

Quality time or Quantity time?

When i was studying in university time, someone told me, we need to spend more quality time with our children. During that time, the very young boy like me of course will not understand what he said. Then, i came to realize that quality time means that we need to pay 100% attention while attending to our children. Give them 100% focus so that our child will feel our love. During that time, i might just agreed as i don't have any child.

But later on till I have my own children, I began to think of what he said. Do I need to spend more quality time with my children or quantity time? But do I have quantity of time if i need to work from morning till evening?

One day, i think should be Sunday. I planned to play and be with my children for whole day. From morning till night, we enjoyed watching cartoon together, playing monopoly, singing karaoke, go to the park, eat together and read story before sleep. I did spend my quality time and quantity time as well with them. You know what happened?

Next day in the morning, both of them cry out loud looking for their daddy. As kids below 3 years old, they will always remembered the person played with them previously before they sleep. I have seen this happened to their grandma, maid, mother and even myself. What they need are both quality time and quantity time. Yes, they need both. What we need is to educate them on how to differentiate between playing time, reading time, sleeping time, eating time and etc....We need to plan for them.

However, as time passed and their age are growing, we need to tell them honestly that sometimes daddy cannot be with them all the time and need to go to work. Explain to them nicely with good reason. Surely they will understand. We should not worry and think that they are still young to listen to our explanation. Sometimes, they are smarter than us.

Happy parenting !!!

Big Giant Hug and Small Princess Hug

One night, i was tired travelling from work. I came home and saw my kids were playing with each others. From day to day, their relationship become better and better. Because, last time, due to some distance issue and work place challenges, my daughter was separated with my son ( long story ). I am glad that their relationship can improve so much compared to last time, they always snatching each others toys and cry so much. Sometimes, time really play an important role. We cannot rush for results immediately. We need time to build up something , especially relationship. And of course, parents play an important role.

Hugging is one important action we, as parents should perform. It is one of the way to show love and they really can feel it. Not only that, father also should hug with his wife from time to time, in front of the kids. This is to show to the kids that we, adult also show love to each other. And, it definitely will influence them to love their siblings more.

One thing caught my attention so much. Just before they sleep, suddenly my son said, "Mummy, i want Giant Hug !" With a fast movement, he showed something like a bear and hug his mother. And then, continued with my daughter," Mummy, i also want, I want a Princess Hug !", quickly she showed one hand up and another down, politely and portray a small gesture hugging her mother.

Oh my god, that's something created by my lovely wife with them when i was absent for work. What a surprise !! Well done, mummy !!!

Grandma Effect I

When my son was born in 2004, i have one challenge. Who is going to look after him? My wife needs to work and i am still staying in Sarawak. We were worried to let our first baby taken care by nanny. At last, i decided to import my mother. Thank goodness, she really helped us a lot. At least, she is someone we can rest assure. Really appreciate.

However, after some time, i found a few things about my mother, my son's grandma.

1. Pampering 
Because my mother has been long time didn't approach a baby, furthermore, her grandson, for sure she will  give 100% caring to the baby. What's wrong with that? Well, what happened if over pampered? I think most of you will know what I am going to say. Whenever baby is crying, she will be the first one to respond. The louder he cried, the faster she will respond. Some people said, cry on baby mouth, pain in grandma's heart.

2. Slow to grow
What, slow to grow up? This is not what i mean. There is one case i would like to share. I still can remember when my son was in a process to learn how to walk, his grandma will be always protecting him. Too afraid for him to fall down. For safety reason, she was doing the right thing. But for learning aspect, i would say she is slowing down the process. At the end, no matter where my son planning to move, there will be a natural automatic protective fence ( using hand to block all the way ). At last, my son still be able to walk, but it took almost 14 months.

3. Conflict of decision
In a family, father always play an important part. However, what will happen when there is a mother of a father appear? There will be an issue between decision and respect. Yes, we must always respect our parents. Sometimes i do listen to what she said or advice. However, in some cases, we really must make a wise decision where we will not hurt both parties, especially between mother and wife. Well, i can't say much, for those who need advice, please contact me secretly...hehe.

So, for those who asking help from your own parents in taking care our children and staying together with us, do consider all the effects i mentioned. And there are more which i will share again next time. Anyway, i am glad that my mother have been helping me all this while. Really appreciate. I love you mother ! ! !