How to Speak Children Language?

One day, I was trying to talk to them but seems like they were not much interested to talk to me. And later I found out, my wife were able to communicate with them effectively. Not only that, they even like to share a lot of story with my wife.

Then, I thought I must be neglected them for a long time. After that, I tried my best to be with them, play with them and bringing them to the park. However, the relationship seems like improving but, they were still  not telling me more about their living stories. Then, I asked my wife and she told me the secret of talking with the kids…….which I have not been doing most of the time…… “ Watching cartoon together with them!”.

Finally I realized I need to speak their language by watching their cartoons. No wonder, before my wife actually talk to them, she eventually will mentioned a few of their favorite cartoon’s character like Ben10, SpongeBob SquarePants, and etc…..Then, their responds will be like………..I think you know what I am saying.

Later on, I tried to practise, “Zhe Tse, what is SpongeBob doing now?” Then, he told me a lot of his action and blab la bla.. Then, I continued, “ Why don’t you pick up this and put it back from where you get?” He immediately did what I said and continued his story……

When the West Meet the East

Few years back, when my son was almost 3 years old, I brought him to play with one of my friend's children which happen to be from the West ( ah moh ). We had picnic together near a beach. Out of sudden, one of her daughter ( only 2 years old ) climb very high in one of the equipment in the playground. And I almost shouted to warn her to be careful ( as you know, Asian's parents used to be very scare when their children do something that we consider dangerous ). Just before I almost shouted, my friend pat my back and talked to me softly, " Hey, don't create and influence her to be scared, just act naturally".

Well, at this point, I was so curious and asked myself, "Don't she felt nervous and afraid of her falling down from high?" Then, she walked slowly approaching her daughter and asked, " Hey Emelia, how are you up there? It must be great. Why don't you come down and have your sandwich first and continue later?" I stunned there as for the first time, I could see a different way of approaching a child especially at danger time, we should not instill fear factor to them. My son even said, " Wow, that's very high !" ( I managed to snap a photo behind my son )

From that incident that, I realized that we can always refer some of the Western way or approach of parenting and it benefits a lot to our children. For instance, bed time story, a hug and kiss before sleep ( my parents never did this to me before , pai seh ), and teaching them how to express feeling ( saying "I LOVE YOU") in a proper way are some of the methods we can cultivate. In fact, I learnt a lot of good parenting skills from this friend. Thank you JULIA......

( From Left ) Michael, Emelia and Zhe Tse

Quality time or Quantity time?

When i was studying in university time, someone told me, we need to spend more quality time with our children. During that time, the very young boy like me of course will not understand what he said. Then, i came to realize that quality time means that we need to pay 100% attention while attending to our children. Give them 100% focus so that our child will feel our love. During that time, i might just agreed as i don't have any child.

But later on till I have my own children, I began to think of what he said. Do I need to spend more quality time with my children or quantity time? But do I have quantity of time if i need to work from morning till evening?

One day, i think should be Sunday. I planned to play and be with my children for whole day. From morning till night, we enjoyed watching cartoon together, playing monopoly, singing karaoke, go to the park, eat together and read story before sleep. I did spend my quality time and quantity time as well with them. You know what happened?

Next day in the morning, both of them cry out loud looking for their daddy. As kids below 3 years old, they will always remembered the person played with them previously before they sleep. I have seen this happened to their grandma, maid, mother and even myself. What they need are both quality time and quantity time. Yes, they need both. What we need is to educate them on how to differentiate between playing time, reading time, sleeping time, eating time and etc....We need to plan for them.

However, as time passed and their age are growing, we need to tell them honestly that sometimes daddy cannot be with them all the time and need to go to work. Explain to them nicely with good reason. Surely they will understand. We should not worry and think that they are still young to listen to our explanation. Sometimes, they are smarter than us.

Happy parenting !!!

Big Giant Hug and Small Princess Hug

One night, i was tired travelling from work. I came home and saw my kids were playing with each others. From day to day, their relationship become better and better. Because, last time, due to some distance issue and work place challenges, my daughter was separated with my son ( long story ). I am glad that their relationship can improve so much compared to last time, they always snatching each others toys and cry so much. Sometimes, time really play an important role. We cannot rush for results immediately. We need time to build up something , especially relationship. And of course, parents play an important role.

Hugging is one important action we, as parents should perform. It is one of the way to show love and they really can feel it. Not only that, father also should hug with his wife from time to time, in front of the kids. This is to show to the kids that we, adult also show love to each other. And, it definitely will influence them to love their siblings more.

One thing caught my attention so much. Just before they sleep, suddenly my son said, "Mummy, i want Giant Hug !" With a fast movement, he showed something like a bear and hug his mother. And then, continued with my daughter," Mummy, i also want, I want a Princess Hug !", quickly she showed one hand up and another down, politely and portray a small gesture hugging her mother.

Oh my god, that's something created by my lovely wife with them when i was absent for work. What a surprise !! Well done, mummy !!!

Grandma Effect I

When my son was born in 2004, i have one challenge. Who is going to look after him? My wife needs to work and i am still staying in Sarawak. We were worried to let our first baby taken care by nanny. At last, i decided to import my mother. Thank goodness, she really helped us a lot. At least, she is someone we can rest assure. Really appreciate.

However, after some time, i found a few things about my mother, my son's grandma.

1. Pampering 
Because my mother has been long time didn't approach a baby, furthermore, her grandson, for sure she will  give 100% caring to the baby. What's wrong with that? Well, what happened if over pampered? I think most of you will know what I am going to say. Whenever baby is crying, she will be the first one to respond. The louder he cried, the faster she will respond. Some people said, cry on baby mouth, pain in grandma's heart.

2. Slow to grow
What, slow to grow up? This is not what i mean. There is one case i would like to share. I still can remember when my son was in a process to learn how to walk, his grandma will be always protecting him. Too afraid for him to fall down. For safety reason, she was doing the right thing. But for learning aspect, i would say she is slowing down the process. At the end, no matter where my son planning to move, there will be a natural automatic protective fence ( using hand to block all the way ). At last, my son still be able to walk, but it took almost 14 months.

3. Conflict of decision
In a family, father always play an important part. However, what will happen when there is a mother of a father appear? There will be an issue between decision and respect. Yes, we must always respect our parents. Sometimes i do listen to what she said or advice. However, in some cases, we really must make a wise decision where we will not hurt both parties, especially between mother and wife. Well, i can't say much, for those who need advice, please contact me secretly...hehe.

So, for those who asking help from your own parents in taking care our children and staying together with us, do consider all the effects i mentioned. And there are more which i will share again next time. Anyway, i am glad that my mother have been helping me all this while. Really appreciate. I love you mother ! ! !

Asking the right question

I have been teaching secondary students for almost 9 years now. I would say teaching young children need a different approach and need to be more creative. I learnt a lot from my wife. When my kids at 4 to 5 years old, they always try to object or go against parent's decision or suggestion. When we ask them to sit, they will run, when i ask them to be silence, they will laugh loudly. Yes, they will try to be creative.


So, one day i heard my wife asking my son. " So, later, do you want me to add some onion leaves on the soup or not? " ( normally we will add a few pieces of onion leaves to make the soup more delicious ). Then, i came to realized that, we should always ask the right question to our kids to prevent them to go against our suggestion.

Why i said so? Just imagine these. Let say my wife ask, " Zhe Tse, do you want to drink soup or not?" Then, my son will replied, " No , mummy " ( going against the suggestion and he only has 2 choices, yes or no ). Of course, the issue about the onion leaves will stop immediately. Then, my wife will need to advice and encourage him to drink soup and explain the reason and bla bla bla. It might be successful or my son might be holding his decision. You see? That's why, for those parents, before we want our children to do something, we should think of the right question for them to follow, at least we have 90% of successful rate. It doesn't mean we want to stop their creativity but i believe there are plenty other ways to enhance creativity.

   

Every Parents Are Natural Teachers, agree?

Long time ago, i asked one of my friend, " Do you like to become a teacher?" , and she replied, " No, i don't like to teach, no patient !".  Yes, she was right. Today's teachers are not like yesterday's. It required not only commitment and patient, but creative and innovative. With the advancement of technology from time to time, it created a lot of influences. One of it is the social networking which had a lot of impact to the youngster nowadays, including myself.

And few weeks ago, i asked my same friend again. "Now you have your kids, do you teach them everyday?" And she said, " Of course lah. If i don't teach, who else? Bo Pian !!!! ( no choice )." Yes, she is right again. Being a teacher, we need a lot of patient but teaching our own children, we need even more patient, commitment and sacrifice. Even if we need to repeat the same advice everyday, we should do so because they are our children. We need to guide them to follow the right track. That's the SPIRIT of being a parent. Being parents, we need more creative idea to educate our children. Honestly, i learnt a lot from my wife. She is the one who always come out with creative idea to satisfy and educate our children. Really thankful to my wife.

Baby Diapers Vs "Lampin", Which one is better?

Long time ago, especially during my papa mama time, using disposal diapers was not a trend. Perhaps too expensive. Most parents, including mine, normally will use a type of cloth ( we called "lampin" in Malaysia ) for babies. So, in our neighborhood,  if we see a lot of "lampin" were hanging outside under the hot sun, meaning to say that, the family just have a new born baby. Why? because we need to wash it almost everyday.

There are a lot of benefits using "lampin" rather than disposal diapers such as, save some money, easily dry up, comfortable for baby and etc...But only one thing my wife and I cannot stand was, we need to change a lot  "lampin" which might disturb their sleep, including the parents.Well, drinking milk in the mid-night is already a tough, and yet, we still need to change the "lampin". As you know, baby cried in the middle of the night only for 2 reasons. One is for milk and another is to tell us " Papa mama, is wet wet now, please change for me now, if not , i cannot sleep...hehehe !!!"

So, after some discussion and research, we found a solution, although was not the best but it really loosen our job a bit. USE disposal diapers !! In supermarket nowadays, there are too many brands of diapers for us to choose. Some are good in quality ( expensive ) and some are not so good. In order to cut some washing, we decided to buy 2 types of diapers. One is the expensive ( good quality, can last longer ) to be used at night, and another one is the average one ( can be used during afternoon sleep ).

Yes, with this solution, the baby can sleep longer now and the parents can get more rest. And during night time, we only need to make milk when they are hungry, except bowels ( pang sai ). From that moment, we have been practising these method and it really work. How about you all? Have you tried these method? Or do you have any comment or suggestions?